Guilt, Shame and Doubt

Felling pretty crappy today. I was up until 6 am and only got a few hours of sleep after. My brother called me at around 2:30 this morning ( we are both night owls so this isn't a big deal) He has had a couple days to process me coming out to him and he had a pretty big head of steam built up about it, about how I told him and about how he felt about the whole situation. My brother and I are very close and have a strong bond from having grown up in a difficult situation that left us alone together frequently and with me in a very mothering role for him.
He is already upset that I moved away from him last fall and even more upset that I have moved down to the US temporarily and now word of my desired transition has thrown him for a big huge loop. He feels like I should have told him sooner, like there should have been some indication that this was coming. I tried to explain to him that I could not have told him sooner even if I wanted to as I was not sure myself and even after I was sure, how was I to explain to him that his sister now wants to be his brother? He is upset that I chose to tell him in a fairly impersonal message on Facebook as opposed to calling him on the phone which, I admit, was probably not the best idea. We had a fairly heated discussion for about 15 minutes and then it got much worse when he asked me how he was supposed to know if in 2 or 3 months down the road I wasn't going to change my mind about this whole thing. I lost it at that point. It is widely known to my family and friends that I am a pretty impulsive guy. I tend to do things by the seat of my pants frequently and with what seems like not a lot of forethought. This has gotten me into trouble on many occasions and I know for a fact that most of the time my family looks at my split second decisions with not just a grain of salt but a barrel of it.  But when my brother accused me of my transition being an impulse and that it was hard to take me seriously, something inside me just broke and all the pent up emotion of the last few days reached a level I could not control. I began crying hysterically, I could barely eek out a response to his question. I told him that I could not believe he would accuse me of putting myself and my family through such a torturous roller coaster of emotions and doubt based on an impulsive whim. I basically asked him why he thought I would no only volunteer myself for hell, but bring my family along with me. It did not get better from there. He told me he had spoken to my Uncle J, who I am very close to and consider another brother in every way. J has not spoken to me since I sent the letter and when I heard they had been talking I broke down even more. My brother said J was also put off by my chosen method of coming out, but I am not sure what to do with that information...do I try and call him and talk to him? Do I apologize for being honest about myself? I kind of feel like now that I have put it out there and invited inquiry that it is the individual responsibility of my friends and family to contact me if they have any questions. Is that wrong? My brother also said something that made my heart feel like it was being ripped out. He said that because we are so far away from each other, he didn't know how he was going to deal with this transition without seeing me frequently during the duration. I understand this but I am not sure what I can do about it as neither my nor his finances or lifestyle allow us any trips to see each other. He also said he was sad that he felt like he was never going to see his sister again. That by the time we saw each other in person again, I would no longer be Ali, but be Alix and that in effect, Ali would be gone forever without him being able to say good-bye. I am welling with tears again just writing this. We talked (well I cried and blubbered and he talked) more for about an hour and then he told me he loves me and will try but that this is going to be really hard for him as he feels like an immovable aspect of his life is changing. So today I feel guilt and shame and doubt and a questioning as to if this is a good idea at all and a hatred of myself for making my family and friends feel this way and a hatred of myself for not being able to just go on with my life as it was, to not be able to put and shut up.